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Literature
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 04
“Jade!” Josh shouted, reaching a clearing in the forest, seeing her coiled around the upper branches of a tall tree fifty feet tall, yellow sap tears streaming down her face. His mount stopped on a dime, flicking him to her tail tip and throwing him up to her like a catapult throwing a cow. He screamed and struck the bark of the tree chest first, glad his hardened semi-Pokemon chest allowed him to survive what felt worse than any car crash. Jade's tail shot out and wrapped around his arm, swinging him onto a tree branch near her. He clung to her tail for dear life with one arm, and the tree branch with the other, holding on for dear life. “Jade, we need to talk.”
Her eyes narrowed, and she glared at him accusatorily. “Do you need more shallow, ostentatious, worthless comforts to dull the pain of never getting to see your family again?”
“Pain? I feel fantastic! My life as a human was terrible, and I'm glad I've left it behind.” Josh admitt
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Literature
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 03
On the second day of her new life as that Squirtle's new roommate, Jade came home to find the place somewhat changed. The building was now three storeys big. Two statues of Squirtles were outside, their mouths squirting out waterfalls, their arms moving like gold chinese cat toys. The doorway from the main door had a red carpet, and had tiny four-meter-deep swimming pools on either side. The living room had a hot tub that could be moved, so you could watch anime on the massive cinema-sized screen while in the hot tub, or when swimming in the new olympic-sized swimming pool. The computer was still in the corner, with that same red carpet around it. It was now some pointy monstrosity with green and red lights, and it was now faster. She slithered upstairs, and saw everyone's room, still with just one bed... but it was now a massive bed, at least double the size of a king sized bed, and the bedspread and pillows had pictures of . She slithered upstairs and gasped in awe... The whole floor
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Literature
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 01 (E)
After a long and hard day of ****posting on tumblr about how much he wanted Serperiors to choke him to death, the black-haired sixteen-year-old boy smiled as he closed Firefox and saw his background, a picture of an anthro serperior he had commissioned. “Nice.” He said, ogling her fine curvature and choice in wardrobe for a few moments before turning off his computer. “Some day...” He whispered, stroking the screen as his background faded away.
It was saturday, and Josh Wilde felt like resting up for another long day of nothing tomorrow. Minnesota was such a lame state. Maybe he'd get in a fight with some brony that thought one of his horse women was hotter than his perfect Serperiors. Or tell some Monster Musume fanboy why their Spooder and Snek were inferior to his Smugleaf. Or beat someone on Pokemon Showdown with his team of six Serperiors. He'd already beaten Showderp twice over the years. They seemed so much cooler before he realized they were actually jus
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Literature
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 02
“So this is... Evergreen.” Josh said quietly. “It's beautiful.”
“You should meet Mayor Belinda.” Agatha decided, her tail wrapping around him and picking him up as she slithered to a marvellous wooden mansion decorated naturally with vines and plants in different colors. She opened the push-door with no lock or knob and put him down on a beautifully-crafted piece of wooden furniture with grass and soil for a cushion. He'd never sat on a chair like this, and he expected it to be muddy, but it was actually really soft. “Hey, Mom!” She yelled.
“Mom?” He asked.
“Coming!” An attractive old voice sang. A massive green serpent slithered down the stairs, and coiled up in front of him. He was struck by just how beautiful the massive serpent was. It was... intimidating. Or maybe he was intimidated because she was twenty meters long and wider than a man was tall. She looked at him like a kindly old grandmother... He assumed.
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Literature
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 01
After a long and hard day of shitposting on tumblr about how much he wanted Serperiors to choke him to death, the black-haired sixteen-year-old boy smiled as he closed Firefox and saw his background, a picture of an anthro serperior he had commissioned. “Nice.” He said, ogling her fine curvature and choice in wardrobe for a few moments before turning off his computer. “Some day...” He whispered, stroking the screen as his background faded away.
It was saturday, and Josh Wilde felt like resting up for another long day of nothing tomorrow. Minnesota was such a lame state. Maybe he'd get in a fight with some brony that thought one of his horse women was hotter than his perfect Serperiors. Or tell some Monster Musume fanboy why their Spooder and Snek were inferior to his Smugleaf. Or beat someone on Pokemon Showdown with his team of six Serperiors. He'd already beaten Showderp twice over the years. They seemed so much cooler before he realized they were actua
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Zutara Dragons by lilfirebender Zutara Dragons :iconlilfirebender:lilfirebender 455 138 COMM: Ghost Pokemon Gym Leader, Haru by pauldng COMM: Ghost Pokemon Gym Leader, Haru :iconpauldng:pauldng 51 10 Tasha the Shiny Riolu by TammyHybrid21 Tasha the Shiny Riolu :icontammyhybrid21:TammyHybrid21 2 5
Literature
Things not to do at Hogwarts 8
Section Eight – First Years
455. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
456. I will not tell first years that Hagrid will eat them if they get too close to his hut. Must not tell them that Fang will eat them either.
457. I will not tell the first year girls that they "must get naked then change into a sailor fuku" before they are allowed to cast any spells. Not even if they do so on Sailor Moon.
458. I will not tell 1st year Hufflepuffs that the Dark Lord eats Hufflepuffs for breakfast. Or any other meal. And then tell them that if they inform anyone of the warning the Dark Lord will choose them next.
459. "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.
460. I am not allowed to scare the first-years by screaming "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeeeeeltiiing!" while they are in the showers.
461. I will not scare the First Years with wild tales of an omnicient Author who controls our destinies.
462. Telling the firsties that we're
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MY ANIME OPENING IS DONE!!!
For my manga:
http://mega-megan.deviantart.com/gallery/54225145/Love-Love-Pokemon
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Mature content
Freedom (my worst idea ever) :iconspoonerdog123:spoonerdog123 3 10
Literature
Pokextinction and Antagonist List
All right, here we go!
This is a combination of two lists: The Pokéxtinctionist list, and the Antagonist list.
Here's the deal: All of our Pokéxtinctionists and various Antagonists will be sorted into a list by species.  There'll also be a separate listing of Antagonists (by type).
– If you want your Pokéxtinctionist/s in the list, comment in a format that looks like this: "Eyeclops the Meowth (Pokéxtinction) in The Awesome Story". - YES, WITH THE FULL STOP AT THE END! If your character is dead/not with the Pokéxtinctionists anymore/swapped sides/whatever, they can still go on the list.
If  your Pokéxtinctionist happens to be an Antagonist as well – see below.
– If you want your Antagonist/s in the list, comment in a format that looks like this: "Goon: Steve the Persian (Pokéxtinction) in The Awesome Story". Note how I've included Pokéxtinction in his listing. 
Important: ELITE FOUR MEMBERS
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Literature
Floral Healing Report
Move Name: Floral Healing
Battle Classification: Technique
Type: Fairy
Total number of affected targets: 1
Range: 1 adjacent target other than user
Direct contact needed to initiate technique: No
Base Power: -
Accuracy Rate: -
PP: 10 (maximum 16)
Though its execution might not initially convey its effectiveness in battle, the Floral Healing technique is a unique move that can help Pokémon harness the power of nature in order to restore their energy. Considered to be the signature technique of Comfey, the Floral Healing technique involves the user releasing a calming, soothing fragrance from its body that helps boost spirits and restore the energy of all that smell it. It may not be the most conventional of healing moves out there, but when paired with a field that is brimming with the power of nature, this move can easily save a battle from a painful end and give hurting Pokémon a second wind to continue fighting.
Comfey by nature are healers that enjoy using the power of flo
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“Jade!” Josh shouted, reaching a clearing in the forest, seeing her coiled around the upper branches of a tall tree fifty feet tall, yellow sap tears streaming down her face. His mount stopped on a dime, flicking him to her tail tip and throwing him up to her like a catapult throwing a cow. He screamed and struck the bark of the tree chest first, glad his hardened semi-Pokemon chest allowed him to survive what felt worse than any car crash. Jade's tail shot out and wrapped around his arm, swinging him onto a tree branch near her. He clung to her tail for dear life with one arm, and the tree branch with the other, holding on for dear life. “Jade, we need to talk.”

Her eyes narrowed, and she glared at him accusatorily. “Do you need more shallow, ostentatious, worthless comforts to dull the pain of never getting to see your family again?”

“Pain? I feel fantastic! My life as a human was terrible, and I'm glad I've left it behind.” Josh admitted.

“Oh, really?” She asked suspiciously. “If it was so sad, why do you never whine about it?”

“Because it sucked, but not that much. My parents treat me like the child they never wanted, and my hometown is full of assholes, and that's all. Online, I read stories about people that had it worse than me, and I learned perspective. I wasn't beaten as a child, I didn't have a pet that got killed, and I wasn't gender-reassigned at birth and forced to imitate perverse acts with my twin brother to condition me to accept my new lot in life.”

A look of absolute disgust formed on her muzzle, and she stuck her head over the branch to retch up a stream of brown-flecked green vomit. Josh looked away, and heard it splatter against the ground.

“Ewwwwww!” Rose shouted. “It splashed in my eyes!”

Josh heard her blow chunks and resisted the urge to vomit himself, trying to ignore the disturbingly sweet plantlike smell, and he waited for her to pull her head back up. When he did, he stared deeply into her eyes. “I've seen a lot of disgusting things on the internet. And because the internet is full of humans, I know it was a human that wrote down or took pictures or videos of every disgusting thing on there. There are a lot of ways my life could have been worse. And now, it got better. I'm not just another useless human any more. I'm a Squirtle!”

She chuckled. “No, you're just another squirtle. Destiny's been kind enough to make you a Pokemon, but not kind enough to make you a particularly powerful one. You're funny, but that'll never be helpful. Another nobody to live and die, never leaving anything behind.”

He smiled and blushed. “You really think I'm funny?”

She rolled her eyes, and he grew serious again. “Look, I'd love to leave a legacy behind, and a bunch of kids, and-”

“But you won't. It's your destiny to be a bad joke, and my destiny to...” She trailed off.

“To live out the miserable life of an arranged marriage?” He asked, raising an eyelid.

She laughed loudly, beginning to cry again. “Is that how Rose put it?”

“What makes you think she told me?” Josh asked. He knew better than to say “How did you know it was Rose?”

“She's the only one who knows who isn't too scared of me to talk. Unfortunately, she's too good-natured to fully realize how serious this situation is.” She looked away, sadly. “What did she say about his abilities? Did she say something like... Hecanrun400timesfasterthanthespeedoflighthecanstoptimeandrewindtimeanderasetimeandnothingcanhurthimandhessuperluckyandsuperstrongandhessostronghecancauseatomicexplosionsbypunchingreallyhard! He'ssoimportanttofatehehastwospiritguides! Two!”

He laughed. “Yeah, that's her. I find her cute.”

“Good, you and her can go on double dates with me and... Him. Josh... There's this boy. He's descended from a particularly powerful clan of warriors. This clan has saved many lives, and has a lot of friends. And a lot of political pull. Members of this clan grow powerful quickly, know some of the strongest aura techniques in the world, and have rescued a lot of Pokemon. If there are high-profile missions where big bases desperately want the missions to succeed, some of these clan members are called, and one is sent to eclipse everyone, carry the team, and get all the glory. This clan had a son, after years of selectively breeding and only marrying the strongest Pokemon they could find. This boy... His father is a cruel, manipulative, power-hungry monster that plays the part of the perfect hero. He wanted to marry my mother, calling her the only Pokemon good enough for him, but she turned him down. So partly out of spite and partly to get some of my mother's genes, he wants his son - a somewhat well-natured boy, but one of the stupidest people I've ever met - to marry me and keep having kids until one is born with the power my mom holds. This boy's name is Augustus Ryukata, and destiny has decided I'll be his wife.”

“What happens if you say no?” He ventured.

She smiled bitterly. “What happens if I say no? Try asking what happens if I don't play the part of the perfect girlfriend well enough to fool him. He's the kind of 'Hero' that has his aura influenced by his emotions. If he gets angry or sad, he snaps, and kills everyone around him. On the battlefield, this is useful, he's like a tactical nuke that kills friend and foe alike. In day to day life, everyone has to treat him with kid gloves for fear of ticking him off. Anything going even a little wrong is enough to set him off, unless he can be calmed down quickly enough.”

“Can we ask some strong Pokemon in other bases for help?” Josh wondered.

“Nobody's strong enough to have a snowball's chance in hell against this Pokemon. Not even one. I don't even have to meet them or know what they can do to know they can't beat this... this... mistake made by Arceus himself! This... this living proof that Arceus is dead and humanity killed him! Some Pokemon get special powers when they transform. Some Pokemon get special powers from being experimented on. Some humans get lucky enough to be born rich. Some humans get lucky enough to win the lottery. Some humans get lucky enough to win the lottery twice. AND THEN THERE'S THIS ASSHOLE!” She shouted. “He has 51,432,207,870,535,468 abilities!”

He wanted to take this seriously, he really did, but when he said that, he was reminded of every powerwanking DC fanboy on every forum on the internet yelling “Superman can fly at five hundred million times the speed of light and he survived the end of the universe sixty times! He would stomp the entire marvel universe, Goku, the entire anime universe, and all universes!”.

He was reminded of every bad OC made on every roleplaying forum he'd ever made fun of on his shitty blog seven people liked.

He wondered if she was bullshitting him the entire time, and if this was all some elaborate hazing ritual to prank anyone that got a crush on any of the mayor's daughters.

This had to be a joke.

He laughed.

“51,432,207,870,535,468. He has that many abilities! I'm not making this up. Fire manipulation, ice manipulation, lighting manipulation, water manipulation, plant manipulation, dimension manipulation, mind control, body control, soul control, getting stronger in the sun, getting stronger in moonlight, getting stronger in darkness, getting stronger when you're surrounded, getting stronger when you're alone, reality warping, reality bending, reality rewriting, reality overwriting, reality erasure, space erasure, time erasure, time rewinding, time acceleration, time stopping, heart stopping, logic stopping, infinity stopping... The only powers in existence he doesn't have are Aura Channelling and what my mother and Rose and I have that lets us change size and density at will. That's why his father manipulated him into thinking I'm cool and thinking his childish admiration and puppy love is true love ordained by fate. Augustus's father, Timaeus, wants eugenics to make his grandson the ultimate life form. I don't know if he'll raise that ultimate life form for bragging rights, if he'll use it to take over the world, if he'll use it to destroy Pokextinction forever, or if he'll try and switch his mind with his grandson's, achieving immortality and the ultimate body. But for generations, this clan has only married the strongest of Pokemon, picking up powers like an alcoholic picks up bottles. So, I can either kill myself now and piss him off, kill myself with him, try to talk him into killing himself, and get brought back to life, or I can go back to crying on the inside while I accept the hands fate dealt me.”

He decided not to mention how casually she talked about killing herself. “Wait, stop powerwanking for a second, you can do what?” He wondered.

“How do you think I got up here without breaking any of the branches on my way up? I'm not exactly little.” She pointed out.

“You're the perfect size for me.” He said, waggling his eyelids. She rolled her eyes. “But why not make yourself smaller?”

“I can grow quickly, but shrinking is slower. A lot slower.” She explained. “And neither ability is as good as my mother's, which is pretty much instant. And if you're within 20 meters, she can mess with your size, too. She can expand your heart to kill you on the spot, shrink your eyeballs until they're practically nothing... All sorts of neat stuff I can't do. This world... isn't fair. You're a nobody, I can't escape my mother's shadow, and I'm going to be sold off to an idiot to fulfil a destiny some asshole made up to piss my mother off. Even when my life is being ruined, it all has to be about good ol' Mayor Fatass.”

He frowned, and started talking dramatically. “Yeah, life is shit. Life isn't just unfair, life is shit. There comes a moment in every boy and girl's life when he realizes this on a level nobody but him or her can describe. What separates the children from the adults? Not age or ability or what outlook on life you have. It's what you're willing to do to change that.”

“Says the boy that lived with shit parents and did nothing until we came for him.” She said, ruining the mood.

“Fuck you, I was going to move out when I was old enough!” He said jokingly, awkwardly pushing her, unable to move her. She laughed, and sighed. “Probably. Jade, remember when I said I've seen a lot of disgusting things on the internet?”

She nodded. “Humans can be so disgusting sometimes...”

“Well... When I came here, I saw beauty. When I saw you, I saw true beauty. I might not have money or fame or more than fifty million powers, but I can still give you my heart.” He said, looking deep into her eyes.

“Awwwwwww!” She said, coiling her tail around him lovingly. “That's sweet. Completely worthless, but sweet. Promise not to do anything stupid, like challenging him to a duel for the right to marry me, and I'll think of you when I'm taken away from my family and friends and sent to live with him in some bunker, dying on the inside while he lives out his juvenile fantasies of what married life is like.”

“I don't need to do anything stupid, because I'm going to murder him so you can be free.”

She slapped him in the head with the tip of her tail. “Don't be so stupid. Nobody on this planet can beat Augustus. Don't even try. Just... Let's just make some nice memories before I'm taken away. Please. For me?”

He gasped like a child told he could have all the ice cream he wanted. “You mean we're gonna-”

“No.” She said flatly.

“Aww.” He said sadly.

“Come on, let's go watch some anime together.” She said, picking him up by the chest with her tail and jumping off the tree, slowly floating down like a balloon light enough to act as a parachute for him.

Josh smiled up at Jade. “I lied.” He thought, smirking on the inside. “I'm going to murder him for you, no matter what I have to do. You deserve to be free. And then after I defeat that monster, you can be happy once again.”

When they landed, they felt something. Something that should not be. They turned their heads to see a massive buildup of aura so powerful even Josh could see it clearly.

Something teleported to them, something... dangerous.

“Wow, he's here early!” Rose said happily.

Josh, on the other hand, wasn't feeling happy at all. “Oh sh-”
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 04
She slapped him in the head with the tip of her tail. “Don't be so stupid. Nobody on this planet can beat Augustus. Don't even try. Just... Let's just make some nice memories before I'm taken away. Please. For me?”

He gasped like a child told he could have all the ice cream he wanted. “You mean we're gonna-”

“No.” She said flatly.

“Aww.” He said sadly.
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On the second day of her new life as that Squirtle's new roommate, Jade came home to find the place somewhat changed. The building was now three storeys big. Two statues of Squirtles were outside, their mouths squirting out waterfalls, their arms moving like gold chinese cat toys. The doorway from the main door had a red carpet, and had tiny four-meter-deep swimming pools on either side. The living room had a hot tub that could be moved, so you could watch anime on the massive cinema-sized screen while in the hot tub, or when swimming in the new olympic-sized swimming pool. The computer was still in the corner, with that same red carpet around it. It was now some pointy monstrosity with green and red lights, and it was now faster. She slithered upstairs, and saw everyone's room, still with just one bed... but it was now a massive bed, at least double the size of a king sized bed, and the bedspread and pillows had pictures of . She slithered upstairs and gasped in awe... The whole floor had been converted into one giant sun room! Lenses on the glass walls and mirrors around the room focused sunlight onto solar panels she could easily lie on, and soak in all the sunlight she wanted. It was also what was powering all the technology in the house. She slithered down into the basement, which contained a beanbag chair, cinema-style chairs, a cinema-sized television playing , a popcorn machine, a stash of snacks, and bookshelves full of DVDs.

“Sischeckitoutwehavepopcorn!” Rose cheered. Jade slithered up the beanbag and found her sister coiled around the Squirtle Josh, and he was throwing popcorn into both their mouths. He now had blue skin and the beginnings of a shell, and he wore pants with a hole torn in the butt for his new Squirtle tail, but he was still a human. A balding and fat one.

“You two look comfy.” Jade commented.

“Idon'thavearms!” Rose sadded.

“There's room here for you, too!” Josh said suggestively, waggling his eyelids because he no longer had eyebrows.

Jade rolled her eyes. “Believe me, I'd love to. But I can't.” She said sarcastically.

“Why not?” Josh asked, waggling harder.

“Some people... Can't just do whatever they want. Some people have destinies. Some people are destined for greatness, and others are destined to have their lives ruined.”

“Fine, be that way.” Josh said, rolling his eyes. “You don't need to threaten me.”

“I wasn't talking about you, you idiot!” Jade snapped.

“Huh?” Josh asked.

Jade gasped in shock. She was about to say something, but instead, she slithered off before he could say anything.

“What's eating her?” Josh asked Rose.

“She'sjustmadaboutbeingengaged.” Rose said, rolling her eyes.

“What do you mean?” Josh asked.

Rose gasped in shock. “I-Ican'ttellyou!”

Josh grabbed her body in a headlock and put a hand on the end of her tail. “Don't make me tickle you.”

“Youwouldn't.” She dared him.

He began rubbing his thumb on the tip of her tail, and she screamed and laughed as she squirmed and tried to get away. But in truth, she only pretended to squirm... He had no doubt she could tear his arms off with the incredibly solid rippling long muscles he felt inside this cute snake body. Was she holding herself back for his safety, even as his thumb brutally attacked her tail tip. “Talk! Ve hav vays of makink you talk!” He shouted.

She started talking so quickly he couldn't understand it at all. Not even a single word. It was like listening to a sped-up recording, but worse. She got faster and faster the harder he tickled, and tears started to leak from her eyes as she writhed in his arms.

He wondered if he should let go...

Nah. When he became a tiny Squirtle, he'd never be able to tickle her like this again.

He continued to tickle her as she screamed and laughed, and he grabbed the whole end of her tail, his fingers swirling around it at random. Her screaming and laughter grew louder and louder, until she gave one final yell as she gave up. “I'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalkI'lltalk!!!”

He released his grasp on her tail, and she sighed and relaxed in his arms.

“Woah.” He said, looking at his hands. “I've finally found something I'm good at. Tickling grass snakes. Now tell me why Jade is so emo!”

“She'sengadedtosomebigshotfromsomereallybigbaseinamerica. Hesaonemanarmyandhe'sthebiggestjerkyou'llevermeetbuthedoesn'tevennoticeitbecausehethinkshe'sthechosenoneandeveryonethatdoesn'tlikehimisevilorabullyorarival. Justbecausehehasfancypowershethinkshe'souronlyhope. Hegetstogoonallkindsofmissionsandsavetonsoflives,andheonlyhassomanyrescuesbecausehebecamestrongenoughtogoonmissionsalmostovernight. HethinksitsdestinythatmadehisdadlookatalistoftherichestandbestpokeumanbasesandvillagesandtellhissonaboutthebeautifulunwedJadeEvergreeninheritoroftheEvergreenvillage. Hisdad'susinghimlikeapawnandtheidiot'sfallingforithooklineandsinker. HisdadsentanemailtoBelindawarninghimthatbreakinghisheartmightcauseanexplosionofaurathatcouldwipeoutthewholetown. ThesecondhesawJadehecalledherhissoulmateandsaidhecouldfeelhisaurapullinghimtoherbutJadecouldn'tsayanythingbecauseofhisauraabilities. Momhatesitbutshecan'tdoanythingwithouttickingoffthebigshot'sdaddyandallthebaseleadersthatlovehisfamilyandallthelifesavingheroesthatcamefromitalotmorethantheylovesomestuckupplantsnake. ButJadesaidtonevertellyoubecausethisisherburdenandthisispolitics. Besidesit'snotlikeyoucoulddoanythinganyway. He'scomingbacksoontotakehertohisbaseandshe'llneverseeherfriendsorfamilyagain.”

“Woah.” Josh said quietly, letting go of the Serperior. She fell off the beanbag, and he immediately felt guilty about enjoying all this nice stuff this village had to offer when fate had dealt such an awful hand to the girl destined to inherit the town.

He jumped down with her. “Where did Jade go?”

“Sheusuallygoestoaspecialtreetoclimbupandcryonwherenobodycanhearorseeher. I'lltakeyoutoher.” She decided, flicking him onto her back and slithering out of the house.

Racing along the ground, Jade practically flew, and Josh wondered what to say. Josh wondered if he even could say anything. He'd never had any kind of destiny set in stone for him, unless “You're a loser and you'll die alone and unloved surrounded by body pillows and your own sweat, lucid in your final moments as your defense mechanisms melt away and your love of Pokemon fades away and your body fills with loathing for yourself and the pathetic false life you've lead until the sweet release of death claims you” counted as a destiny. Or, he supposed, “You're a Pokemon and you'll live in this beautiful village and you can't go home or go out in public, as these things will likely get you killed by the Illuminati, who hate Pokemon”.

He wished his mount would slow down, and give him a chance to collect his thoughts, but the beautiful green beast probably wouldn't understand the meaning of the word.

“Jade...” He whispered. “I'm coming.”
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 03
He wished his mount would slow down, and give him a chance to collect his thoughts, but the beautiful green beast probably wouldn't understand the meaning of the word.
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After a long and hard day of ****posting on tumblr about how much he wanted Serperiors to choke him to death, the black-haired sixteen-year-old boy smiled as he closed Firefox and saw his background, a picture of an anthro serperior he had commissioned. “Nice.” He said, ogling her fine curvature and choice in wardrobe for a few moments before turning off his computer. “Some day...” He whispered, stroking the screen as his background faded away.

It was saturday, and Josh Wilde felt like resting up for another long day of nothing tomorrow. Minnesota was such a lame state. Maybe he'd get in a fight with some brony that thought one of his horse women was hotter than his perfect Serperiors. Or tell some Monster Musume fanboy why their Spooder and Snek were inferior to his Smugleaf. Or beat someone on Pokemon Showdown with his team of six Serperiors. He'd already beaten Showderp twice over the years. They seemed so much cooler before he realized they were actually just a bunch of idiots pretending to be better than Smogon in morality and skill. They weren't brave intelligent rebels rejecting Smogon's ideologies, they were loud and small dogs trying to chew up books they didn't like.

That night, he had that same weird dream he usually had... He was a Squirtle, travelling alone in the woods when he stumbled upon a village of Pokemon. A village of Grass-Type Pokemon, mainly Serperiors. Serperiors that didn't take too kindly to being found. They slithered towards him, and he spat out bubbles, not that it helped any. They caught him in Wraps and Vine Whips, tying him up, and they began to squeeze. His shell cracked, but as it was about to shatter, he was woken up.

“Get out of bed!” His ten-year-old little sister yelled, splashing a bucket of cold water on him. The miserable boy rose, his favorite dream ruined. His little sister did this often, knowing his parents wouldn't question it or care. Sometimes, he really hated her. And his parents. He got out of bed, his butt literally hurting. He went to the bathroom and showered, taking off his shirt and seeing that his chest's dry skin had gotten uglier. It was almost orange now, and he could barely feel it. He took off his pants, and screamed when he saw his new light-blue tail. It was like a squirrel's tail, a foot in length, and it was thick. It had a round knob on the end, and when he touched it, he could feel the sensation of touch in the tail.

“Josh? Was that you?” His mother asked. “I can't let them see me.” He said.

“I slipped and fell, but I'm fine!” He yelled back.

“Stop failing at everything!” his mother yelled. He rolled his eyes, and examined the tail further.

The round part... It reminded him of a Pokemon he knew of. A... Squirtle. Strange, why would he turn into one of those when the Pokemon he loved most was a... female Serperior. He sighed, realizing that it made sense. Squirtle was the starter he chose in Pokemon Firered, after all. “Well... Ass.” He said.

He turned the shower head on and began to think. He quickly came up with a plan, sneaking back into his room and turning his computer on. He began to look up what to do if you started turning into a Squirtle, but he only found bad fanart. Bad fanart and transformation fics way too lewd for him. As cool as transformation was, he liked his regular, not-weird stuff perfectly fine, thank you, very much. He sighed and went back to the bathroom, and got in the shower.

When he'd finished cleaning himself, he got out of the shower and put on his dirty clothes to cover his tail and-

“JOSH! GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!” His mother yelled. He ran upstairs, and saw his parents talking to two police officers. One was male, and one was female. Both were blonde, and the woman was a solid 8/10. Compared to his ugly mother, she was beauty itself. Or she would be, if he was into 3d girls. Still, there was something awkward about the way they stood and moved, as if they weren't used to moving around in those outfits, and therefore, they felt self-conscious in them.

“Ma'am, we have reason to suspect that your son has been illegally downloading games from the Pokemon series, in direct violation of law MA-103. We need to bring him in for questioning right away.”

“You aren't going to take my baby away, are you?” She asked, hugging Josh for the first time in ten years. He heard their phones make a 'Text message received' sound.

“We aren't going to arrest him, just show him what the inside of a jail cell looks like, scare him straight, perfectly harmless yet highly effective at preventing future offences. Of course, if these illegal downloads continue, there may be some serious fines in the future.”

“Thank you for the warning. Come on, Josh, get in the car.” His mother said, pushing him out of the house while pretending to guide him gently. When he left, she slammed and locked the door, and he sighed.

“So why am I really under arrest?” Josh asked, looking at their outfits. “I've seen cosplayers with more accurate costumes than this. See that badge?” He asked, pointing at the badge on the man's chest.

The cop looked at the badge, and Josh immediately turned around and ran for his life. He'd never really been that fast, but when fleeing what he assumed were either human traffickers, pedos, or pedophilic human traffickers, speed came naturally.

“A real cop would have never checked his own badge!” He said to himself. “And the way they were standing... It's like they had barely any experience moving in those clothes! So awkward and stiff... No confidence or balance at all!”

Something hit Josh in the back of the leg, like an insect bite, and he screamed as his body was filled with electricity. But... not as much as he expected. He fell to the ground, unable to move. He always thought if he got tazed, he'd flop on the ground and blub like a fish. Instead... He just couldn't move, and he was picked up by the man, who threw him into the back of their squad car and locked the door. They drove north out of Minnesota, and over the course of ten minutes, he slowly regained the ability to move and speak.

“How did you know we weren't real cops?” The woman asked.

“A real cop would have never checked his own badge. After all, if it was real, you wouldn't wonder why I didn't fall for it.” Josh said. “But more importantly... The way you were standing... It's like you had barely any experience moving in those clothes! So awkward and stiff... No confidence or balance at all! Did you pick these clothes up at a costume store? How long did you spend making them look more realistic?”

She laughed. “We can't sneak anyone past this one, can we?”

“You're half right, Josh Wilde. It's more like we had barely any experience moving in these bodies.” He said, pulling his sleeve up and showing him a metal band with a small green gem in the center. Though thanks to the cop glass between them, he wouldn't be able to touch it.

“Woah!” Josh said, looking extremely impressed, faking a grin. “That would probably mean a lot to me if I knew what that thing was!”

“It's a humanizing ring.” He said, taking it off and glowing with a bright flash of light. He turned into an Alakazam, who floored it as his eyes began to glow. His car climbed to 90 miles an hour and took off with a burst of psychic power, flying through the air like a bottle rocket.
“What? Am I dreaming right now, or just stoned?” He asked.

“This is no dream, kid.” She said, taking her ring off. In a bright flash of light, she turned into a Serperior, and he was immediately interested. And then that interest turned to shock.

“WHAT?!” He screamed in his best Jontron impression ever. “WHAT THE ****?!”

The car landed gently and took off again, now at 120 miles an hour. “A computer of ours detected that you googled 'What to do when transforming into a Squirtle'. We were sent to see if you were turning into a Pokeuman, and our Pokemon tracker app detected you.”

“A 'Pokemon tracker' app? How does that work?” Josh asked.

“Same tech that makes 'Minion tracker' apps work.” He shrugged.

“Which is?” Josh asked.

“I have no idea.” He said. “All that super-advanced technology stuff... I barely understand it, even now. It's something the guys in that Canadian lake scientific fish base came up with. You know the one, right?”

“No.” Josh said.

“Whatever.” He shrugged. “Name's Paul, this plant girl is Agatha.”

“You can wait for some brainwashed Pokextinctionist sleeper agent to attack you with canisters of sleeping gas, then get brainwashed by Pokex or rescued by an over-eager PRT member and drafted into a war, or you can come with us.” She explained.

“A war? PRT? Pokex? What are these things?”

“The Mayor will explain everything, we're just here to take you there.” Paul said, the car landing gently again and taking off at 150 miles an hour.

“I bet I can tell him anything faster. Kid, you're a Pokeuman. You're a human and you're turning into a Pokemon. Pokeumans normally live in bases, where humans can't find them. The PRT, Pokeuman Rescue Team, are the guys that go out and rescue Pokeumans from Pokextinction. Pokextinction is an evil organization led by an evil Mewtwo named Mr. X. Normal Pokeuman bases have a Headmaster in charge of everything, maybe with a Commander in charge of day-to-day military operations. But our village does things differently. We have a Mayor, one elected democratically, rather than one chosen due to exceptional skill or intelligence.”

“Of course, considering half the people in that village are hers, she's set for life.” Paul commented, reaching their destination. The car landed gently thanks to Paul's psychic powers once again, he opened the doors for his teammate and new friend, and they got out of the car.

North of Minnesota and near the border between America and Canada, there was a forest. The Laurentian Mixed Forest Province, protected forests that he rarely thought of... until now. “The Laurentian Mixed Forest Province?” Josh asked. “The village is here?”

“Of course! What did you think all that 'Forest conservation' money gets spent on? Paying big businesses to NOT defile nature and damage the planet they live on for meaningless pieces of paper?” Agatha asked.

“...Yes.” Josh admitted.

“That is so funny!” She laughed. “Ah, humans. You might be as curious as monkeys, but when it comes down to it, you'll happily accept you any answer that feels good enough.”

Josh looked down in shame. Then, he smiled. “But I'm not a human any more, right?”

“Of course not, you're becoming a cute little Squirtle.” She said, nuzzling him.

He closed his eyes and smiled. He hugged her snake body, and in that moment, he was in heaven.

“Can you... let go?” She asked, blushing.

“Sorry!” He said, letting go. “How can you tell I'm a Squirtle?”

“Your scent. You smell like a Water-type. Take the bulge in your pants into account, and you're clearly a Squirtle.” She said, her tail pointing at his butt and tail.

He laughed.

“What's so funny?” She asked curiously.

“That just... sounded funny.” He admitted, and burst into laughter. Loud, insane laughter. “I'm becoming a Squirtle! Pokemon are real! And I'll never go home again! My family won't even recognize me in this body!” Tears welled up in his eyes and began to leak, and she wiped those tears away with the tip of her tail, which absorbed his tears.
“Are you ok?” She asked.

“I'll be fine.” He said. Paul walked ahead of the car and vanished. “Where did he go?”

“We use an illusion field generator.” She explained, her serpentine body flicking him into the air and making him land on her back. She slithered ahead, and he suddenly saw a huge village full of beautiful log cabins, a massive fountain in the town's center shaped like a tree, its branches made of water sprays, a stone serperior around the shaft. Big pokemon walked around the town, mostly grass-types, and a family of Snivy laughed as they ran through the town with a football. It was so unlike anything he'd ever seen before. Even the rare serious-looking guards waiting in treetops looked relaxed.

“Pokextinction can handle making a clone of you. They started this war, they made the cloning machines, they can take cleanup duty.” Paul said.

“What?” Josh asked.

“To cover up how many humans transform every day, Pokextinction make human clones of transformers to replace them.” He explained.

“Ok. What am I... looking at?” Josh asked, looking at the town.

“This is a village of Pokeumans.” Agatha explained. ”Life in bases is alright for some, but why hide underground like a Diglett when you could instead enjoy the sunlight, the starlight, and all other things nature has to offer? This planet belongs to Pokemon, not some crazy humans bent on world domination. Pokeumans from bases around America and Canada that wanted to retire or get away from base life or the war for a while... or got reassigned here on guard duty for annoying their Headmasters... or because their Headmasters thought time away from their base would help them... They provide security in the rare event of an attack. Grass-Type Pokemon farm food better than any human ever could... You haven't lived until you've had Pineapple Pizza, every ingredient grown by Frenzy Plant. We farm food for a lot of bases, too. The terrain naturally hides us, Pokeuman agents in the government and ecological protection agencies keep our secret while our illusion field generator keeps us hidden. Solar panels and thermal energy provides power for lights, central heating, video games... everything. And if we need more power, a Sunny Day fixes things quickly. We have no carbon footprint, and we have Grass-types revitalize the forest around us to help save the world. And if we need anything, Mayor Belinda calls the Pokeuman bases in America and Canada to teleport supplies almost instantly. We have everything we could ever want. We're more than soldiers in a war, we're the hope for what the world can be like when the war is over. Josh Wilde... Welcome to Evergreen.”
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 01 (E)
“This is a village of Pokeumans.” Agatha explained. ”Life in bases is alright for some, but why hide underground like a Diglett when you could instead enjoy the sunlight, the starlight, and all other things nature has to offer? This planet belongs to Pokemon and Humanity alike, not some crazy humans bent on world domination. Pokeumans from bases around America and Canada that wanted to retire or get away from base life or the war for a while... or got reassigned here on guard duty for annoying their Headmasters, or because their Headmasters thought time away from their base would help them... They provide security in the rare event of an attack. Grass-Type Pokemon farm food better than any human ever could... You haven't lived until you've had Pineapple Pizza, every ingredient grown by Frenzy Plant. We farm food for a lot of bases, too. The terrain naturally hides us, Pokeuman agents in the government and ecological protection agencies keep our secret while our illusion field generator keeps us secret. Solar panels and thermal energy provides power for lights, central heating, video games... everything. And if we need more power, a Sunny Day fixes things quickly. We have no carbon footprint, and we have Grass-types revitalize the forest around us to help save the world. And if we need anything, Mayor Belinda calls the Pokeuman bases in America and Canada to teleport supplies almost instantly. We have everything we could ever want. We're more than soldiers in a war, we're the hope for what the world can be like when the war is over. Josh Wilde... Welcome to Evergreen.”

If you want your OC featured in my fic, nut me. 

Rated E for Everyone.
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“So this is... Evergreen.” Josh said quietly. “It's beautiful.”

“You should meet Mayor Belinda.” Agatha decided, her tail wrapping around him and picking him up as she slithered to a marvellous wooden mansion decorated naturally with vines and plants in different colors. She opened the push-door with no lock or knob and put him down on a beautifully-crafted piece of wooden furniture with grass and soil for a cushion. He'd never sat on a chair like this, and he expected it to be muddy, but it was actually really soft. “Hey, Mom!” She yelled.

“Mom?” He asked.

“Coming!” An attractive old voice sang. A massive green serpent slithered down the stairs, and coiled up in front of him. He was struck by just how beautiful the massive serpent was. It was... intimidating. Or maybe he was intimidated because she was twenty meters long and wider than a man was tall. She looked at him like a kindly old grandmother... He assumed. His grandparents had died before he was born. “Who's this cute little fellow?” She asked.

“I'm Josh Wide-” He said, and realized his error in shock. “Wilde! Wilde.”

Agatha rolled her eyes as Mayor Belinda laughed. “Well, Josh, how well do you understand what's going on here?”

“I understand this about as well as I understand anything that isn't an anime or video game.” Josh said proudly.

Belinda laughed. “A sense of humor! It's been a while since any of our new arrivals had one of those. Ah, to be young again...”

“How old are you?” Josh asked.

Agatha slapped him in the head with her tail. “I'm seventy, dear.” Belinda said.

“No way! You look way younger than that!” Josh flattered.

“Oh, such a charmer...” She said, fanning herself with her tail as she looked away. Agatha slapped him in the head again. “Anyway... Here's the dealio. Kids still say dealio, yes? Would you like a drink, first?”

“Do you have any lemonade?” Josh asked.

“Agatha, go and get this young Squirtle some lemonade.” Josh said, and Agatha slithered off. “Long ago, before the age of the humans but just after the dinosaurs went extinct, Pokémon walked the Earth. Unlike the game versions, they were the most intelligent species on the planet, even more than humans are today. They could adapt to any environment and they were smart enough to build advanced technologies using ordinary materials. These times were peaceful, and happy.”

“Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.” Josh said dramatically. Agatha and Belinda looked sad.

“You're half right. Much later, the first humans evolved. The Pokémon were cautious around them, but realized that they were less intelligent than they were. The Pokémon had created a rock that could change them into humans. Under their human guises, most of them helped the humans gain knowledge and become more advanced. Some even started families with the humans. This went on for many years. Then humans became smarter and few millennia later and discovered the great powers of Pokémon and began to abuse them, holding them against their will and forcing them to use their abilities for the human's own selfish needs. One day, they rebelled. It was an all out war and many were injured and hurt. The Pokémon couldn't take it anymore, so they decided to leave. They destroyed any and all evidence of their existence, including their bones and fossils which thousands of Diglett and Dugtrio dug out. Then they amplified Uxie's powers and wiped the memories of all the humans of the world so that they would never remember them. Arceus, Dialga, Palkia, Giratina and Celebi opened a giant portal to another dimension, and all Pokémon crossed to the other side. They did however leave a Mew behind to watch the humans to make sure they were truly forgotten. The Mew wanders the Earth to this day under many different guises. Nothing happened until an event that happened 100 years ago started the Pokéumans. A prick calling himself Mr. X had accidentally discovered the hair of the Mew while on a jungle excursion. Mr. X is an expert on cloning, memory and genetic experiments. He was working on a machine that would turn the smallest particle of DNA into the respective creature it came from. Unfortunately, the machine was only a prototype, and it caused a nuclear reaction. The genetic shockwave circled the world and that's when the Pokéumans began to appear. All but Mr. X and another worker were instantly vaporized, but when the smoke cleared, Mr. X had turned into a Mewtwo. With his transformation, the memories of the age of the Pokémon had awoken in his mind. He wanted power. He wanted to use these creatures for power. He began to notice that children were turning into these set creatures. You see, when the Pokémon used their technology to turn themselves human, a gene was passed down to their children. The genetic shockwave altered the gene, and now was turning their hosts into their Pokémon ancestors. He wanted to get rid of them. So, he created millions of artificial people to take these Pokéumans and take them to be genetically fixed. The cloned humans started taking ordinary jobs, to see who was a Pokémon. He also invented a memory alternator, to cover up his actions. This became the Pokéxtinction organization; the men who tried to kidnap you are a part of them. Fortunately, the Mew saw what had happened and was determined to revive the Pokémon population. He helped rescue the kidnapped children. Unfortunately he was unable to reverse the effects of the memory alternator, so he decided to start the Pokéumans organization. The organization takes in Pokéumans and trains them to fight the Pokéxtinction organization. Many years passed, and a secret war is still being fought today. Mr. X prevents the world from discovering Pokémon. He uses the memory alternators to brainwash ordinary citizens to take Pokéumans to him. The organization creates clones of the Pokéumans before they transform and fill them with memories and the personalities of the Pokéuman they are kidnapping to take his or her place and erase the memory of any bystanders who see. On the good side, Mew took on a human identity. You may know him as Satoshe Tajari, the creator of the Pokémon games. He created the games for two reasons. He wanted to make the world slightly aware of the existence of Pokémon, and for another reason. A sign of being a Pokéuman is being a Pokémon fan, that's how we knew that you were one of us. You know a lot about Pokémon. We, the Pokéumans, have thousands of secret underground bases where we take in our students and train them to stop the Pokéxtinction organization and reclaim the world. But why live underground when this is our planet, too? This is Evergreen, a Pokéuman village."

“Woah.” Josh said quietly. “Wait, you all knew about my internet history, right?”

“The internet... I don't know much about that, but my daughter Jade does. It was her idea to start monitoring the internet, searching for any kid smart enough to ask the internet for information about his or her transformation. Jade?”

What looked like a smaller version of her, but with no less beauty, slithered down the stairs. She was ten meters long, and as thick as Josh was tall. She looked sadder, and less proud and kind. “There she is!” Belinda said proudly. “There's my genius!”

“Mom, please stop...” She said sadly.

“This is one of my daughters, at only sixteen.” Belinda said proudly.

“How big is your family?” Josh asked.

“It'd be larger if so many of my sisters didn't want to go and live in other bases.” Jade said.

“They wanted to fight on the front lines of the shadow war. Which, of course, I understand. I was quite the fighter myself in my younger years!” Belinda said proudly. “Which reminds me... If you'd like, you can go and live in some musty old base with overemotional idiots burdened by their depressing surroundings and miserable war, full of sweaty whiny idiots desperate to be the toughest-looking Pokemon in the base, lead by the most tactically-incompetent self-richest blowhards you'll ever meet... Or you can live here, with us, in paradise.”

“I'd like to live with you.” Josh admitted. “I've never really been all that good at fighting anyway.”

“Good. You should only fight as a last resort, or when there is an evil that must be slayed.” Belinda explained.

“I brought lemonade.” Agatha said, slithering over and handing him a glass.

Josh sipped it, and spat it out. “This isn't lemonade! What is this?”

“Lemon juice. I thought that's what lemonade is.” Agatha admitted.

“Stupid old bat...” Jade muttered, turning around and starting to leave.

“Jade? Get Rose, and take this boy to his new home. And while he seems genuine, I'm not sure I trust him completely just yet... So you two will show him around and live with him for a few weeks. Ensure he learns to love this village.”

“What?” Jade gasped in horror.

“What?” Josh gasped in glee.

“No. Mom, you know I can't do that. I shouldn't even be talking to this idiot-” Jade began sadly.

“My decision is final.” Belinda said.

“Mom, you know he-” “FINAL.” Belinda snapped.

Jade groaned. “HEY KID!”

A blur of green shot down the stairs and onto Josh's body, tying around him rapidly. The ordinary-sized Serperior smiled at him. “Hi! Areyougonnabeournewfriend? Areyougonnagoonadventureswithusandhavewackyhijinksandhavetonsoffun?”

“Y-yes!” Josh said, a little scared by how quickly this girl was talking.

“Woohoo!” She shouted as she uncoiled and shot into the air, knocking him down and making him spin like a bottle.

“This is Rose. Follow me to your new house.” Jade said, and slithered outside.

They left the mansion, and headed toward a normal-looking log cabin. It looked empty inside, but nice. Wooden stairs lead to the second floor, with just one big room instead of multiple bedrooms, and one bed.

“Nope.” Jade said, slithering downstairs. “Nope, nope, nope, nope...”

Rose shot off. “Heylookyouhaveacomputer!” Her voice yelled. Josh followed her, and found her in the living room with a computer. “Wowthisplacelookssuperlamebutwecanstillmakeitlookawesome! IfyouhaveanyideasfordecorjusttellMomandshe'llgetit.”

“It has enough. Food's in the kitchen, and the living room's computer has video games. Don't go outside till you're less ugly, ok?” Jade asked.

“Jade! Shedoesn'tmeanthat, she'sjustmadbecause-”

“DO NOT TELL HIM.” Jade snapped.

“Ok.” Rose said quietly, coiling up.

Josh turned the computer on, and saw that the computer only had emulators and roms/isos on the desktop. “Why do you only have Pokemon games?”

“They're the only good games.” Jade said.

“You've never played Skyrim?” Josh asked.

“What's a Skyrim?” Jade asked.

“I'll show you.” Josh said, torrenting the games without a second thought. He'd bought them once, but Pokextinction probably had his Steam account tracked, or... something. Or maybe his replacement clone would notice unusual hours on the Skyrim game, threatening the lives of all Pokeumans! He was doing the right thing, honest! “Well, I have sixteen hours to kill now.”

“When you're actually a Pokemon, you can join the weekly training class. My aunt runs it.” Jade said.

“Belinda has a sister?” Josh wondered.

“No, but calling someone fourty years older than me my sister feels wrong.” Jade said.

“How many kids does she have?” Josh asked, trying not to wonder if she'd ever invite him into her chambers, and if he'd ever come out alive, or if she'd eat him like a praying mantis.

“Enough to be mayor of this place... pretty much forever.” Jade said bitterly. “Of course, we don't really have any better option. This is our life now... Living here around pretty little flowers while Pokeumans in bases die for our right to sit around and play Pokemon games without a care in the world.”

“It's probably for the best. I mean... I'm just a Squirtle. It's not like I'm big and strong, like a Kyurem. I'd just get in the way of the real heroes.” Josh said sadly.

“Probably.” Jade shrugged.

“Hey!”
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 02
“It's probably for the best. I mean... I'm just a Squirtle. It's not like I'm big and strong, like a Kyurem. I'd just get in the way of the real heroes.” Josh said sadly.

“Probably.” Jade shrugged.

“Hey!”
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After a long and hard day of shitposting on tumblr about how much he wanted Serperiors to choke him to death, the black-haired sixteen-year-old boy smiled as he closed Firefox and saw his background, a picture of an anthro serperior he had commissioned. “Nice.” He said, ogling her fine curvature and choice in wardrobe for a few moments before turning off his computer. “Some day...” He whispered, stroking the screen as his background faded away.

It was saturday, and Josh Wilde felt like resting up for another long day of nothing tomorrow. Minnesota was such a lame state. Maybe he'd get in a fight with some brony that thought one of his horse women was hotter than his perfect Serperiors. Or tell some Monster Musume fanboy why their Spooder and Snek were inferior to his Smugleaf. Or beat someone on Pokemon Showdown with his team of six Serperiors. He'd already beaten Showderp twice over the years. They seemed so much cooler before he realized they were actually just a bunch of idiots pretending to be better than Smogon in morality and skill. They weren't brave intelligent rebels rejecting Smogon's ideologies, they were loud and small dogs trying to chew up books they didn't like.

That night, he had that same weird dream he usually had... He was a Squirtle, travelling alone in the woods when he stumbled upon a village of Pokemon. A village of Grass-Type Pokemon, mainly Serperiors. Serperiors that didn't take too kindly to being found. They slithered towards him, and he spat out bubbles, not that it helped any. They caught him in Wraps and Vine Whips, tying him up, and they began to squeeze. His shell cracked, but as it was about to shatter, he was woken up.

“Get out of bed!” His ten-year-old little sister yelled, splashing a bucket of cold water on him. The miserable boy rose, his favorite dream ruined. His little sister did this often, knowing his parents wouldn't question it or care. Sometimes, he really hated her. And his parents. He got out of bed, his butt literally hurting. He went to the bathroom and showered, taking off his shirt and seeing that his chest's dry skin had gotten uglier. It was almost orange now, and he could barely feel it. He took off his pants, and screamed when he saw his new light-blue tail. It was like a squirrel's tail, a foot in length, and it was thick. It had a round knob on the end, and when he touched it, he could feel the sensation of touch in the tail.

“Josh? Was that you?” His mother asked. “I can't let them see me.” He said.

“I slipped and fell, but I'm fine!” He yelled back.

“Stop failing at everything!” his mother yelled. He rolled his eyes, and examined the tail further.

The round part... It reminded him of a Pokemon he knew of. A... Squirtle. Strange, why would he turn into one of those when the Pokemon he loved most was a... female Serperior. He sighed, realizing that it made sense. Squirtle was the starter he chose in Pokemon Firered, after all. “Well... Ass.” He said.

He turned the shower head on and began to think. He quickly came up with a plan, sneaking back into his room and turning his computer on. He began to look up what to do if you started turning into a Squirtle, but he only found bad fanart. Bad fanart and transformation fics way too lewd for him. As cool as transformation was, he liked his regular, not-weird stuff perfectly fine, thank you, very much. He sighed and went back to the bathroom, and got in the shower.

When he'd finished cleaning himself, he got out of the shower and put on his dirty clothes to cover his tail and-

“JOSH! GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!” His mother yelled. He ran upstairs, and saw his parents talking to two police officers. One was male, and one was female. Both were blonde, and the woman was a solid 8/10. Compared to his ugly mother, she was beauty itself. Or she would be, if he was into 3d girls. Still, there was something awkward about the way they stood and moved, as if they weren't used to moving around in those outfits, and therefore, they felt self-conscious in them.

“Ma'am, we have reason to suspect that your son has been illegally downloading games from the Pokemon series, in direct violation of law MA-103. We need to bring him in for questioning right away.”

“You aren't going to take my baby away, are you?” She asked, hugging Josh for the first time in ten years. He heard their phones make a 'Text message received' sound.

“We aren't going to arrest him, just show him what the inside of a jail cell looks like, scare him straight, perfectly harmless yet highly effective at preventing future offences. Of course, if these illegal downloads continue, there may be some serious fines in the future.”

“Thank you for the warning. Come on, Josh, get in the car.” His mother said, pushing him out of the house while pretending to guide him gently. When he left, she slammed and locked the door, and he sighed.

“So why am I really under arrest?” Josh asked, looking at their outfits. “I've seen cosplayers with more accurate costumes than this. See that badge?” He asked, pointing at the badge on the man's chest.

The cop looked at the badge, and Josh immediately turned around and ran for his life. He'd never really been that fast, but when fleeing what he assumed were either human traffickers, pedos, or pedophilic human traffickers, speed came naturally.

“A real cop would have never checked his own badge!” He said to himself. “And the way they were standing... It's like they had barely any experience moving in those clothes! So awkward and stiff... No confidence or balance at all!”

Something hit Josh in the back of the leg, like an insect bite, and he screamed as his body was filled with electricity. But... not as much as he expected. He fell to the ground, unable to move. He always thought if he got tazed, he'd flop on the ground and blub like a fish. Instead... He just couldn't move, and he was picked up by the man, who threw him into the back of their squad car and locked the door. They drove north out of Minnesota, and over the course of ten minutes, he slowly regained the ability to move and speak.

“How did you know we weren't real cops?” The woman asked.

“A real cop would have never checked his own badge. After all, if it was real, you wouldn't wonder why I didn't fall for it.” Josh said. “But more importantly... The way you were standing... It's like you had barely any experience moving in those clothes! So awkward and stiff... No confidence or balance at all! Did you pick these clothes up at a costume store? How long did you spend making them look more realistic?”

She laughed. “We can't sneak anyone past this one, can we?”

“You're half right, Josh Wilde. It's more like we had barely any experience moving in these bodies.” He said, pulling his sleeve up and showing him a metal band with a small green gem in the center. Though thanks to the cop glass between them, he wouldn't be able to touch it.

“Woah!” Josh said, looking extremely impressed, faking a grin. “That would probably mean a lot to me if I knew what that thing was!”

“It's a humanizing ring.” He said, taking it off and glowing with a bright flash of light. He turned into an Alakazam, who floored it as his eyes began to glow. His car climbed to 90 miles an hour and took off with a burst of psychic power, flying through the air like a bottle rocket.
“What? Am I dreaming right now, or just stoned?” He asked.

“This is no dream, kid.” She said, taking her ring off. In a bright flash of light, she turned into a Serperior, and he was immediately interested. And then that interest turned to shock.

“WHAT?!” He screamed in his best Jontron impression ever. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”

The car landed gently and took off again, now at 120 miles an hour. “A computer of ours detected that you googled 'What to do when transforming into a Squirtle'. We were sent to see if you were turning into a Pokeuman, and our Pokemon tracker app detected you.”

“A 'Pokemon tracker' app? How does that work?” Josh asked.

“Same tech that makes 'Minion tracker' apps work.” He shrugged.

“Which is?” Josh asked.

“I have no idea.” He said. “All that super-advanced technology stuff... I barely understand it, even now. It's something the guys in that Canadian lake scientific fish base came up with. You know the one, right?”

“No.” Josh said.

“Whatever.” He shrugged. “Name's Paul, this plant girl is Agatha.”

“You can wait for some brainwashed Pokextinctionist sleeper agent to attack you with canisters of sleeping gas, then get brainwashed by Pokex or rescued by an over-eager PRT member and drafted into a war, or you can come with us.” She explained.

“A war? PRT? Pokex? What are these things?”

“The Mayor will explain everything, we're just here to take you there.” Paul said, the car landing gently again and taking off at 150 miles an hour.

“I bet I can tell him anything faster. Kid, you're a Pokeuman. You're a human and you're turning into a Pokemon. Pokeumans normally live in bases, where humans can't find them. The PRT, Pokeuman Rescue Team, are the guys that go out and rescue Pokeumans from Pokextinction. Pokextinction is an evil organization led by an evil Mewtwo named Mr. X. Normal Pokeuman bases have a Headmaster in charge of everything, maybe with a Commander in charge of day-to-day military operations. But our village does things differently. We have a Mayor, one elected democratically, rather than one chosen due to exceptional skill or intelligence.”

“Of course, considering half the people in that village are hers, she's set for life.” Paul commented, reaching their destination. The car landed gently thanks to Paul's psychic powers once again, he opened the doors for his teammate and new friend, and they got out of the car.

North of Minnesota and near the border between America and Canada, there was a forest. The Laurentian Mixed Forest Province, protected forests that he rarely thought of... until now. “The Laurentian Mixed Forest Province?” Josh asked. “The village is here?”

“Of course! What did you think all that 'Forest conservation' money gets spent on? Paying big businesses to NOT defile nature and damage the planet they live on for meaningless pieces of paper?” Agatha asked.

“...Yes.” Josh admitted.

“That is so funny!” She laughed. “Ah, humans. You might be as curious as monkeys, but when it comes down to it, you'll happily accept you any answer that feels good enough.”

Josh looked down in shame. Then, he smiled. “But I'm not a human any more, right?”

“Of course not, you're becoming a cute little Squirtle.” She said, nuzzling him.

He closed his eyes and smiled. He hugged her snake body, and in that moment, he was in heaven.

“Can you... let go?” She asked, blushing.

“Sorry!” He said, letting go. “How can you tell I'm a Squirtle?”

“Your scent. You smell like a Water-type. Take the bulge in your pants into account, and you're clearly a Squirtle.” She said, her tail pointing at his butt and tail.

He laughed.

“What's so funny?” She asked curiously.

“That just... sounded funny.” He admitted, and burst into laughter. Loud, insane laughter. “I'm becoming a Squirtle! Pokemon are real! And I'll never go home again! My family won't even recognize me in this body!” Tears welled up in his eyes and began to leak, and she wiped those tears away with the tip of her tail, which absorbed his tears.
“Are you ok?” She asked.

“I'll be fine.” He said. Paul walked ahead of the car and vanished. “Where did he go?”

“We use an illusion field generator.” She explained, her serpentine body flicking him into the air and making him land on her back. She slithered ahead, and he suddenly saw a huge village full of beautiful log cabins, a massive fountain in the town's center shaped like a tree, its branches made of water sprays, a stone serperior around the shaft. Big pokemon walked around the town, mostly grass-types, and a family of Snivy laughed as they ran through the town with a football. It was so unlike anything he'd ever seen before. Even the rare serious-looking guards waiting in treetops looked relaxed.

“Pokextinction can handle making a clone of you. They started this war, they made the cloning machines, they can take cleanup duty.” Paul said.

“What?” Josh asked.

“To cover up how many humans transform every day, Pokextinction make human clones of transformers to replace them.” He explained.

“Ok. What am I... looking at?” Josh asked, looking at the town.

“This is a village of Pokeumans.” Agatha explained. ”Life in bases is alright for some, but why hide underground like a Diglett when you could instead enjoy the sunlight, the starlight, and all other things nature has to offer? This planet belongs to Pokemon, not some crazy humans bent on world domination. Pokeumans from bases around America and Canada that wanted to retire or get away from base life or the war for a while... or got reassigned here on guard duty for annoying their Headmasters... or because their Headmasters thought time away from their base would help them... They provide security in the rare event of an attack. Grass-Type Pokemon farm food better than any human ever could... You haven't lived until you've had Pineapple Pizza, every ingredient grown by Frenzy Plant. We farm food for a lot of bases, too. The terrain naturally hides us, Pokeuman agents in the government and ecological protection agencies keep our secret while our illusion field generator keeps us hidden. Solar panels and thermal energy provides power for lights, central heating, video games... everything. And if we need more power, a Sunny Day fixes things quickly. We have no carbon footprint, and we have Grass-types revitalize the forest around us to help save the world. And if we need anything, Mayor Belinda calls the Pokeuman bases in America and Canada to teleport supplies almost instantly. We have everything we could ever want. We're more than soldiers in a war, we're the hope for what the world can be like when the war is over. Josh Wilde... Welcome to Evergreen.”
Pokeumans Evergreen - Chapter 01
“This is a village of Pokeumans.” Agatha explained. ”Life in bases is alright for some, but why hide underground like a Diglett when you could instead enjoy the sunlight, the starlight, and all other things nature has to offer? This planet belongs to Pokemon and Humanity alike, not some crazy humans bent on world domination. Pokeumans from bases around America and Canada that wanted to retire or get away from base life or the war for a while... or got reassigned here on guard duty for annoying their Headmasters, or because their Headmasters thought time away from their base would help them... They provide security in the rare event of an attack. Grass-Type Pokemon farm food better than any human ever could... You haven't lived until you've had Pineapple Pizza, every ingredient grown by Frenzy Plant. We farm food for a lot of bases, too. The terrain naturally hides us, Pokeuman agents in the government and ecological protection agencies keep our secret while our illusion field generator keeps us secret. Solar panels and thermal energy provides power for lights, central heating, video games... everything. And if we need more power, a Sunny Day fixes things quickly. We have no carbon footprint, and we have Grass-types revitalize the forest around us to help save the world. And if we need anything, Mayor Belinda calls the Pokeuman bases in America and Canada to teleport supplies almost instantly. We have everything we could ever want. We're more than soldiers in a war, we're the hope for what the world can be like when the war is over. Josh Wilde... Welcome to Evergreen.”

If you want your OC featured in my fic, nut me. 
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:iconarcegeathemudsdale:
ArcegeaTheMudsdale Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday !
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:iconjoshwilde007:
JoshWilde007 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
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:iconcatequin:
Catequin Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
A warm welcome to Pokeumans! Feel free to write, draw, meme, or lurk to your hearts content. If you are looking to post anything, it may be helpful to look out our front page rules, our guidelines and the FAQ
We also have a chatroom on Skype as well as Discord. If you wish to join, please ask and we will send an invitation. If you have any questions, do not be afraid to ask!

Thank you for joining and we all hope you enjoy your stay here! 

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:iconjoshwilde007:
JoshWilde007 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist Writer
Is Squirtle taken?
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:iconspace-time-parallel:
space-time-parallel Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
As long as it's not Lucario or Zoroark.
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:iconcatequin:
Catequin Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Still permitted, just seen as overused by much of the group.
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(1 Reply)
:iconcatequin:
Catequin Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Taken? In what way?

If you are referring to stories and the characters in them, while some have used squirtle before, there is no rule that states one can "claim" a Pokemon species solely for their own use. No matter how many people use squirtle, you can still use it.
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